Dear Patrick and Elmer,
It was great meeting you the other day at your inaugural workshop.
I having been looking for something like this, just for men, for most of the last 8 months.
My thirst was quenched and I can smell the oasis.
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed last night. It was good to meet you both.
It's especially nice get the opportunity to hear stories from other men that are going through
the same feelings as yourself. It's surprising really how many similarities there are
in people’s experiences. I hope that I'll be able to come to next one. If not, please keep me informed
about over events that might interest a wide eyed new father!
As I'm reading through your web sites and info on fathers-to-be...it
dawned on me. I happen to have a HUGE... theory, idea, all about being a
father. I learned some of it from Dad, some of it from you and some of
it from being a "step" father and mostly from being a father. The
gist is that the mother obviously has the "ultimate connection".
When Denise got pregnant with Jake, besides the confusion of "what are
we going to do… let’s get married", it was a great feeling. We did some
classes and I was totally present to the fact that she was carrying a
very special life (not more specials than someone else's son) but very
special to us. The pre-birth stuff was minimal as far as prep. We did a
birthing class, Lamaze. What really is amazing to me is that the day he
came I had a job. I did not even realize how important this job was. I
was drawn to this kid like you read about. I sat with him for
hours...nothing else even entered my thoughts... I was In love.
When Jake came home he would need whatever at certain times day and
night. I decided early on that Denise had carried him for 9 months and
it was my turn to perform. Denise never got out of bed at night... as
soon as he peeped I'd get up and bring him to her for feeding, what
could be better, I loved it. Little did I know at the time I was
"catching up" on their "ultimate bond". That is the only way I can
explain the very close relationship I share with my kids. I became a
total connection point through my participation with them, all the way
through high school and yet today. This is the same with Dillon, our
next child. Andy (Denise's son from an earlier relationship) was
obviously more difficult because I met him when he was 3 years old. It
took some time to get as far with him! I guess my point is that fathers
have a lot of "work" to do to achieve the "bond" that mothers get in a
different way. Spend as much time as you can, all kinds of time...diaper
time, feeding time, sick time, doctor time, school play time, sport's
time etc. Don't be the typical father that expects the mother to do all
of these things while you bring home the money. You can do both and I
guarantee you'll be glad you did. Being a father is the single most joy
I have ever imagined or experienced.
Pete Houser (Patrick's brother), father of 3.